Autonomous Bus Interior

Special Agent Private Communication

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Don't Panic!    Don't Panic!    Don't Panic!    Don't Panic!

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Technical Exception Reported

I know you're enjoying your ride on the Autonomous Bus. It is indeed an amazing piece of equipment. Equipment, however, can be troublesome, especially when so much of it can be found in one place--as it is here on the Autonomous Bus. I have bad news, so look straight ahead and brace yourself--

What's a GPS?  

Quickly follow this link to see..

What's a GPS?

 
Relaxing Travel Sound
Surf (loop)

Remain calm, listen to the music and the relaxing travel sound and try not to alarm the rest of the passengers behind you. They are clueless about our..ah..Problem.

Reach under your seat and see if you can locate this screwdriver.

Now ease forward to the driver's seat, and casually sit down. Smile a lot. Once you're there, look up in the center of the panel for a small black box. Stand up and stretch. This will mask your next move.

Verify the GPS Active Travel Map in the Center Panel

As you already know, something is wrong with the GPS system. We need you to perform a few diagnostic proceedures so we can sort this problem out. Let's start at the Active Travel Map which is located in the little black box. Use the screwdriver to pry this box open. Slide the side panels left and right and down to give you some room.

Oh, boy. This is worse than I thought. A mechanic has loaded the wrong file into the GPS Map Buffer. There's no telling what this has done to our Navigation System. This is not good.

Open the Bullet Proof Shield.

Reach up to the frame at the top of the GPS Map Buffer and pull down the Bullet Proof Shield. Scoot the frame at the bottom down as well to keep the GPS Map Buffer open. Don't be distracted by the HTM Panels accommodating to this disruption. We need to take a quick look around to see where we are, so pull the shield down far enough to completely open the window..

Autonomous Bus Forward View

Great. Now look where the Earth is. Damn! You're going to have to override the Tactical Navigation System manually. You'll need to enter your Badge Number into the computer console below. This number will be used as the exact coordinates to reach your private compartment at the Safe House.

Enter your Visitor Badge Number into the Coordinate Computer..

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Tactical Navigation System Coordinate Entry

Stand in the square below. Keep all personal effects within the boundaries. Remain absolutely still and do not extend your arms or legs. Complete the following Cannon Breech Entry Safety Check List and Assurance Check and do not forget to insert your earplugs..

Hard Hat Area DO NOT MOVE       Cannon Breech	Safety Check List    Are you sure?    Are you really sure?    Are you really, really sure?	Final Assurance I guess it's OK Well, maybe No way!!!

Lower your Ultra UV protection goggles, concentrate on not squirming, and depress the FIRE button below. Expect a small delay as the system locks down..

Ballistic Cannon Fire Control

Plan B

If there is a problem with this proceedure then you are advised to execute Plan B. Reach into your carry-on bag and pull out a loud Hawaiian shirt and a pair of sunglasses. Put them on without making too much fuss. Stand up, and casually walk to the door. Try to act like a tourist. Take a deep breath, stand in the airlock, and blow off the outer door.

Scream, "Wait for me!" with the last of your air and run as fast as you can to join the Tour. Hurry-- They're just leaving..

Join the Tour!

What's an HTM Panel?

An HTM Panel is a Hard to Move Panel. That's because nobody thinks to look for a screwdriver under his seat. Next time you see one of these panels, AKA Frames, you just reach for the proper tool and pry the suckers apart. They'll adjust.

Now hurry back and quit looking at your screwdriver..

Back to the HTM Panels

  This is a screwdriver

Don't look at the screwdriver. Stick it in your sleeve..

Head for the Driver's Seat

What's a GPS?

A GPS is a Green Propulsion System. The letters also stand for "Going Pretty Slow".

Nobody has ever perfected any GPS anywhere. These systems have been known to simply shut down at the slightest cause. By severely leaning out good rich mixtures in high performance engines, the Green Scientests, AKA New Scientists, a subversive group practicing Psuedo Psience, the act of scientific self befuddlement utilizing Water Walking, Hand Waving, and Tap Dancing, believe that they are "helping the environment" by starving to death every single engine they design. They are in fact cluttering up the environment with stalled vehicles.

There is no user adjustment on any of these panels. Opening the GPS Active Travel Map will void your warrantee. Then you'd really be stuck.

Go on back to the front panel and try to enjoy the view. Don't even think of messing with a GPS..

Back to the Front Panel